


Once Upon A Timey-Wimey

by LordBacon



Category: Doctor Who, Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Humor, Crossover, F/M, Timey-Wimey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-26
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-02-14 21:38:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2203992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordBacon/pseuds/LordBacon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rumpelstiltskin is struggling to deal with the fact he can't leave Storybrooke and be reunited with his son. But when two strangers arrive with something that can help him do just that, things start to get a bit wibbly-wobbly... and maybe even timey-wimey.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Strangers In Storybrooke

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first-ever fanfiction so sorry if it's a bit all over the place
> 
> also tbh idk where i'm going with this story but i'm having fun writing it atm so i guess we'll see where it goes
> 
> ALSO this is set between the ouat episodes "we are both" and "lady of the lake"
> 
> ALSOOO i have seen a grand total of 2 episodes in which clara is the companion so sorry if she's ooc ok i'm done now enjoy

Rumpelstiltskin had just finished yet another uneventful day at the pawn shop. It didn't surprise him, really; the only people who had come to his shop since the curse broke were the Charmings, and since two of them were in another realm and the last one had agreed to stay out of his way, no one else wanted to be anywhere near him. Except for Belle, maybe. 

Belle... He remembered when she'd walked into his shop to find everything smashed and him collapsed on the counter. She'd seemed just as devastated as he was that he was unable to leave Storybrooke. Although, perhaps not for the same reasons; he hadn't told her about Baelfire, not yet. He realised he still owed her that story. He'd be able to tell it soon. Just not yet.

He was on his way back home when something stopped him in his tracks. There was a police box, standing right in the middle of the street. That certainly wasn't supposed to be there. This was Storybrooke, not London. And what was it doing in the middle of the street, anyway?

Suddenly, the doors of the box opened. A man with a tweed jacket and a bowtie came bursting out with the biggest grin on his face. He  _definitely_ wasn't supposed to be here. Strangers weren't supposed to come to Storybrooke.

"Ah, towns, towns! I love towns!" the man exclaimed with a grand gesture (who did he think he was?). "You've got to love towns, very simple, very interesting, very...  _town-y._ "

This man was clearly out of his mind, and they were the worst kinds of strangers, the crazy ones. He had to get home  _now._ He turned around and began walking away, pressing his cane down as softly as possible.  _Maybe if I move quietly and slowly he won't notice me..._

"Oh, hello!"

_Damn._ Rumpelstiltskin turned around. "Can I help you?" he growled.

The man seemed unfazed. "Yes, actually! I was just wondering if you could tell me where I am?"

Yep. Clearly crazy. If he had been standing in a box in Storybrooke for ages, how could he not know where he was? And surely, if he had come to Storybrooke, he would know that was where he was going? August Booth had known. Sure, he had also come from the Enchanted Forest, but surely the same rules applied? 

"The fact you are asking the question surely means you know the answer." He inwardly cursed himself for using Booth's words. That man really had affected him in more ways than one, it seemed.

The blasted crazy man was grinning his face off. "Come on, humour me!"

God, he didn't half take a hint, did he? Rumple groaned. "You are currently in Storybrooke, Maine."

The man's grin grew bigger. "Storybrooke, eh? Now  _that_ is an interesting name! Things with the word 'story' in it are  _always_ interesting! Is this an interesting place? I'm interested already! I mean,  _Storybrooke_! It sounds like it's got a story in a brook, and that makes it sounds like 'storybook', like there's magic and fairy tales and--"

There. The man's ramblings were enough. Rumple had pinned him to the wall with his cane so quickly he didn't even remember doing it. 

"Now,  _I'm_ going to ask  _you_ a question, and I'm only going to ask it once," he whispered menacingly, emphasising his words with a push to the man's throat, "What are you doing here?"

He released his cane slightly so the man could answer him. "J-Just passing through!" he choked.

No one 'just passed through' Storybrooke. "Wrong answer!" Rumple pushed his cane onto the man's throat with all the strength he possessed. 

"Doctor? Are you bored with the town yet? Can we find somewhere else?"

A new voice, a female one, came from behind him. Without releasing any pressure on the man, he risked a look behind him. In the doorway of the police box, a small woman with brown hair was staring at him fearfully. He released the crazy man immediately, who began gasping for breath. When Rumple made his way towards her, she ran back into the box and slammed the door. 

"Oh, no, you don't, dearie," he muttered to himself, "You can give me some  _real_ answers." 

He ripped the door open and stalked inside, causing the girl to yelp. 

He jumped back outside immediately.

"That's not possible," he whispered, "It's--"

"Bigger on the inside, yeah," the crazy man rasped.

"And it looks like a--"

"Spaceship? Close, but not quite." The man's smirk was smug. Rumple was  _not_ impressed.

"I've had enough of you." With a swift movement of his cane, the man collapsed to the floor with a _crack_. 

"Doctor!" the woman cried, running to the man's side and kneeling beside him. She glared up at Rumple accusingly. "You could have killed him!"

"I could have," Rumple agreed, "But I didn't." He grabbed the girl's arm. "He'll be out a while. You, in the meantime, are coming with me." 

The girl struggled in his grip. "But you can't just leave him!"

He gripped her arm just a bit tighter. "He'll be fine," he insisted, "Now come  _on,_ "

When he finally managed to half-drag, half-carry the girl into his shop, he put all the shutters down and blocked the door with his body. There was no way he was letting her leave without an answer. 

"Now," he said almost pleasantly, locking the door for good measure, "Tell me about that box."


	2. A Way Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor finds himself a victim of Rumple's cane yet again, Charming gets puppy-kicked, Rumple becomes a troll and Belle learns how to use a phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as a reward for your kindness here is another chapter, now with over 1,000 words
> 
> btw i have no beta so if there's any mistakes please let me know thank you

"I'm telling you, if you want to know about it, you'll have to ask the Doctor!"

Rumple closed his eyes and counted to ten for the sixth time. He'd tried asking the girl (who'd introduced herself as Clara) nicely, at first, he really had. And when she'd refused to spill, giving the same excuse over and over again, asking nicely had quickly escalated to smashing glass with his cane. That did the trick in scaring her, but failed at gaining any information. Unless...

"You really don't know anything about it, do you?" he asked quietly.

"If-If you want a proper explanation, just ask the Doctor." 

"Why do you keep calling him that?" He whirled around at her, and she backed into a corner.

"Because that's his name! What do you want me to call him? Rumpelstiltskin?"

He couldn't help but bark a harsh laugh at that. "You'd be making a mistake if you did, dearie," he chuckled. That only seemed to make her even more afraid. 

"Look, I can't tell you anything!" she cried, "Can I please go?"

He considered the girl - Clara - for a moment. She was genuinely afraid of him. He should have relished in that, and yet, he didn't. There was no use in giving her reason to fear when she had nothing to give him. Then again, she was friends with this 'Doctor'. There was some valuable information she could get him.

His inner monologue was interrupted by a knock on the window. Before he could even grab his cane, Clara rushed to the window and opened the shutters.

The Doctor was stood there, grinning and waving at Clara like there wasn't a possibility he could have a cracked skull. 

"Doctor," Clara breathed in relief, smiling for the first time since Rumple had met her. Which wasn't a surprise, to be fair.

"Why don't you just sonic yourself in?" Clara called through the window.

"It doesn't work on wood!" the Doctor called back. Clara huffed and unlocked the door. 

"Careful of all the glass," she mumbled, gesturing to the mess Rumple had made. He could have cleared it up with a wave of his hand, but these strangers were odd enough as it was; he didn't want to make it worse by letting them see magic.

"So what's this all about?" the Doctor asked cheerfully. It took Rumple a moment to realise he was talking to  _him._ "Was there something you wanted or do you just not like newcomers?"

_Both._ "I'd like to know about your little spaceship." 

The Doctor's grin stiffened. "Ah. Yes. The TARDIS."

"Come again?"

The Doctor clapped his hands in sudden glee. "TARDIS! Time And Relative Dimension In Space!"

"Yes, yes, but what isit?" 

"Is that all you wanted to know?" Clara interrupted. "Oh my God, why didn't you just ask me that? It's a simple question, and what does he do? Traps me in a shop and smashes everything when all he wants to know is what it is! Asks me every kind of cryptic question you can possibly think of when all he wants to know is what it is!"

"So tell me what it is!" Rumple roared, all patience vanished.

Clara stared at him fearfully. "Well--It's a time machine, basically."

A time machine.

_A time machine._

_A time-turner._

_"A time-turner?"_

_"No!"_

He had just gotten his hands on a time machine. He could simply go back in time and stop himself from letting Baelfire go. All those years of magic, regret, murder... they could all be gone, replaced with memories of a good childhood, just like Bae deserved. 

"Do you know how to pilot it?" he asked the Doctor quietly.

The Doctor laughed. "Of course I do! How do you think I got here? I didn't just--"

"Take me with you." Rumple interrupted. He said it loudly, stiffly, in a way that was not a request, but a command.

The Doctor stared at him blankly. "Well--You see--I don't just take anyone--Time travel can be very--"

Once again, the Doctor was being choked against a wall with Rumple's cane. The man just didn't learn when to shut up.

"Listen here,  _Doctor_ ," Rumple spat the man's 'name' like a foul word. "I  _need_ that time machine. I don't care if you 'don't just take anyone.' I don't care about how time travel can be to you, because trust me, anything you may consider dangerous can be handled by me. I'm not asking you.  _Take me with you._ "

The bell in his shop rang, and he dropped the Doctor immediately. 

"Gold?" 'Town Leader' Charming swaggered into his shop. Just what he needed right now. "Someone saw you, and I quote, 'playing Whack-A-Mole with some Conan O'Brien-looking guy.' What is going o--" 

He cut himself off when he saw the Doctor heaving on the floor, Clara kneeling beside him. Charming's eyes widened and he glared at Rumple accusingly. Before he could say or do anything, Rumple ripped the door open and shoved the shepherd-turned-prince into the street, where he fell to the ground. 

"What's going on is none of your concern, Charming." he said stiffly. "Now, I believe we had a deal to stay out of each other's way? And I  _always_ keep my deals."

"No!"

Rumple knelt over the prince, ignoring the pain in his leg, and brandished his cane threateningly. "'No?'"

"Gold, I don't know what's going on here, but there are two people in your shop - one of them injured - who I have never seen before! Now, I don't know what the hell is going on--"

"Good. Keep it that way." Rumple turned to go back into the shop, but turned around at the sound of the prince's panicked voice.

"Hey, Gold?" 

"What?"

"What's that?"

He followed the prince's gaze and saw the TARDIS. He smirked.

" _That_  is mine." He kicked Charming in the stomach. "Now  _please_ ," kick "leave" kick "me" kick "alone!"

He watched in pleasure as the brave Prince Charming scurried off. His happiness, however, was short-lived as the Doctor and Clara came out to stand next to the TARDIS.

"Erm, sorry, but she's mine." the Doctor said proudly and patted the blue box like it was his best friend. Given his previous actions, it probably was. The thought made Rumple smirk.

"Not for long, she isn't." 

With a wave of his hand the TARDIS disappeared in a puff of purple smoke.

The Doctor's expression was livid. "What have you done?" he growled.

"I've taken what is mine." Rumple explained smugly. 

He was pulled up short when his phone began to vibrate in his pocket. That was odd. No one ever called him. 

He fished it out of his pocket and smiled when he read the screen. It was Belle.

"Hey, Belle."

"Hey," was her shaky reply. "Sorry for calling, I was just getting worried. You didn't come home, so I thought... you know... it was finally time to learn how to use one of these." She laughed nervously. 

"Of course." he agreed. They were silent for a few moments.

"Um, Rumple?"

"Yeah?"

"Okay, the real reason I called--something weird has happened."

Rumple frowned. "What?"

He heard her take a deep breath. "There's a blue box in the living room."

"Ah." He smiled smugly at the Doctor, who was shaking with fury. "About that. I'll be there in a minute, sweetheart."

"Rumple, what's going on? Is it yours, or--"

"Don't you remember me telling you?" He was talking more to the Doctor than Belle, now. "Everything in this town is mine."


	3. Fairy Tales and Half-Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor makes a fool of himself (again), Rumpelstiltskin finally tells the truth for once and Belle momentarily thinks she is Rapunzel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi yes i'm still alive and i now have a whole summer completely coursework-free so i should update waaaay more often
> 
> hopefully my writing style has improved so enjoyyyy

"How did you do that?" Clara asked, eyeing the Doctor anxiously as the man paced back and forth in silent fury. "You waved your hand and it just... vanished." 

"Magic," Rumple answered with a grin, knowing full well she wouldn't believe him. Just as expected, the Doctor whirled around and fixed him with a glare. 

"Do you think this is funny?" He stormed over to Rumple until he towered over the short man; as if  _he_ knew anything about being intimidating. "Tell me the truth; how did you make the TARDIS disappear?" 

"I just told you the truth, dearie," Rumple growled, quickly losing his patience. "I used magic. A spell. An enchantment. Witchcraft, if you want to be old-fashioned.  _Magic_."  

"But that's impossible," Clara remarked in disbelief, "There's no such thing as magic, there has to be some sort of science behind it!" 

"Right you are, Clara," the Doctor agreed, still not taking his eyes off of Rumple, "There's always some kind of science, some kind of advanced technology to destroy and rebuild molecular structure in a pre-planned area. What is it then, hm? A computer interface activated by different hand movements, maybe?" 

"Take a look around my shop, if you like," Rumple offered in his most sincere tone, "But I'm afraid the most interesting thing you'll find is the dead lizard I pulled out the back of my sofa last week that somehow hasn't yet decomposed. You could wear it as a boa scarf, if you'd like. I'm sure it'd match your style." 

Clara couldn't contain a snort of laughter at that, causing Rumple to give her what he hoped was a genuine smile. At the Doctor's look of betrayal, she simply shrugged and said, "He's got a point, you know." 

"Very well," the Doctor muttered, reaching into his (hideous) jacket pocket, "Perhaps I  _will_ take a look around, then."  

Rumple had had his suspicions before, mainly due to his ridiculous fashion sense and apparent apathy to injury, that this 'Doctor' was a pure madman. Those suspicions, however, were now confirmed, as the man brought out a green wand-looking contraption and began waving it at every corner of his shop. Honestly, he wouldn't have cared that much if the sound the object made wasn't so  _mind-numbing._  

"What is that?" Rumple asked Clara, more out of exasperation than curiosity. 

"Sonic screwdriver." Clara gave him an almost sympathetic look and rolled her eyes. "I know. Don't ask." 

"Well, at least he can fix my cabinets while he's in there, I suppose," Rumple sighed. "What's he doing waving it around everywhere?" 

"Scanning your shop for alien technology, at a wild guess." She was talking like she was used to this stuff happening, like it was  _normal_. Rumple shook his head. 

"Do I want to know why he calls himself 'The Doctor?'" 

"I don't know either, to be honest. It's just what he's called himself since I met him. He won't tell me his real name." The girl's gaze was unfocused, almost wistful, and for some reason Rumple wanted to laugh. 

"So he  _does_ have a real name, then?" 

"Apparently." Clara turned to smirk at him, gesturing to the sign above his shop. "What about you? Is 'Mr. Gold' your real name? Sounds a bit too made-up for a pawnbroker, to me." 

Ah. She was a sharp one, this girl. He liked her, he decided. "No, it isn't my real name." 

"Then what is it?" She quirked a brow at him, as if offering him a challenge. Well, if she was brave enough to make the offer, then he'd gladly return the favour. 

"Tell you what," he said with a sly smirk, "I'll make you a deal." 

Her resolve seemed to waver a little at that, but she still stood strong. "All right. What is it?" 

Oh, how he wished Regina and her nosy little son were here to witness this exchange. "I'll give you three tries to guess my real name. If –  _If_ you guess it correctly, I'll give your friend his big blue box back. Deal?" 

She almost –  _almost_ agreed, Rumple could tell. But before she could, said blue box-owning friend came sauntering out of his shop somehow looking very put-out and very pleased with himself at the same time. Rumple could understand the former, since the madman was wearing a  _fez._  

"Every time," Clara grumbled, apparently even less impressed than Rumple, "Every time you find a fez you just can't resist, can you?" 

"Fezes are cool," the Doctor replied defensively, straightening his embarrassing bowtie before turning to Rumple. "Okay. You were right. No sign of alien technology in there whatsoever. No sign of  _any_ technology, as a matter of fact. What year did you say it was?" 

"2011," Rumple replied, shrugging when the Doctor and his companion gave each other a knowing look. "What can I say? This town is a little behind in terms of the modern world."  _Much like you are more than a little behind in finding aesthetically pleasing clothing._  

"The TARDIS couldn't detect this town until we were directly above it," the Doctor muttered, licking his finger as if trying to figure out which way the wind was blowing. "How can that be?" 

"I don't know," Rumple said innocently, almost unable to contain his fiendish grin. "Let's find out, shall we?" 

And with another wave of his hand, they were in his living room, where an impossible blue box was waiting. 

"Now," Rumple began, absently admiring the handle of his cane, "You are going to show me how to work this thing, or I will--" 

"Or you will  _what,_ Rumpelstiltskin?" 

Ah. Right. Belle. He'd forgotten she was at home, for a moment. A pretty big mistake to make, it seemed, considering she was wielding a frying pan and approaching him with the most  _thunderous_ expression he'd ever seen on her. 

"Wait... 'Rumpelstiltskin?'" Clara asked incredulously. "Please tell me your name isn't actually Rumpelstiltskin?" 

"Who are these people, Rumple?" Belle demanded, gesturing to their...  _guests_ with her frying pan. "What are you planning with them and their box? I swear, if you mean to cause them harm, or do  _anything_ evil, I will--" 

"I'm not planning on harming anyone!"  

The room was awkwardly silent for a moment, the disbelief radiating off of everyone else in the room. 

"Oh," Belle finally said, as if she didn't see him as a villain to defeat just a moment ago. "Then what..." 

Rumple sighed and turned to the Doctor and Clara, if only so he could pretend he wasn't talking to Belle. "The reason I stole this time machine wasn't to murder anyone or gain a magical artifact. It was..." Here the truth was finally to come out, for the first time in a  _lot_ longer than he would've liked. "It was because I want to see my son again." 


End file.
